You've Gotta Be Kidding Me
by Phantomask
Summary: When Caroline's mother passes away, she is forced to move in with her father, she is enthralled into a world of failed science experiments, flirty hedgehogs and many other things. This is the some what honest recall of a young lady's life in Moebius. BETA READER NEEDED!
1. Chapter 1

(NEW STORY! And I'm full of ideas! There will be swears, so don't go on about it! I warned you! It's in the POV of an oc so don't freak about that either. There will be no OC and cannon couples either, just CANONxCANON and OCxOC. So that's a plus I guess, PS: I got this idea after I watched Easy A)

(Oh and the song is one headlight by the wallflowers)

I, _Caroline Finistevus The Hedgehog, swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth do help me God, or as much truth that needs to be told. _

_So, where should I start? The beginning? That's always a good place to start. _

_I've decided to start my tale in an overly cliched opening line_.

_Deep breaths Caroline, deep breaths. _

_You're only seeing your dad for the first time ever, no biggie. _

_I'm not sure if I should scream at him, for getting my mom knocked up and ditching, or give him a big hug and say. "Hey pops! Long time no see!"_

_I think I'll go with option one._

_What kind of douche bag, gets some one pregnant an then walks out! My mom says it was to protect us, well I guess it's too late now._

I brush my long blonde hair into a high pony, I have a few white streaks in my hair, apparently inherited from my father.

I place a pair of gold hoop earrings on my ears, I straighten out my dark skinny jeans and my lime green tank top. I stand in front of my full body mirror and start scrutinizing every little detail. I pull out a check list from my pocket, and begin reading out the list.

"Gladiator shoes?" I glance down at my feet, my green painted toes are in an elegant pair of brown gladiator shoes. I grin. "With painted toe nails to boot!"

"Tooth brush, hair brush, tooth paste and a pack of gum?" I glance over, and sitting on the top of my bag are the items I listed out. "Check!"

"Hmmm... Pajamas?" I glance over at a tank top and a pair of pajama pants, along with others. "Check!"

"Day clothes?" I take a quick look at a big box labeled "DAY CLOTHES, NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH NIGHT CLOTHES."

I roll my golden coloured eyes and laugh. "Haha, I'm a riot!"

In a few minutes, my check list is done and I am able to throw all my crap in my bag.

My so called father is supposed to send someone, or for all I know, something, to come pick me up, that's what the judge told me.

I look at my dresser and see if theres any thing else I can bring with me before the house is cleaned out and ready to be sold, nothing's on the table except for a few bobby pins and a picture of her.

Mom.

I stare into her crystal blue eyes, an I can feel myself fading into the past.

FLASHBACK

_Caroline slams the door and walks into her house. "MOM!? I'm home!" She yells while walking into the kitchen. The lack of response leaves Caroline in wonder._

_"She must be taking a nap." Sighs Caroline. "Might as well get her up, she has to drive me to Amanda's later." Mumbles Caroline while trudging up the hard wood stairs._

_"Mom?" She calls yet another time. Caroline narrows her eyes as worry starts to take over her body. _

_"Mom?" Whispers Caroline, she quickly sprints to her moms room and lets out a gasp. _

_"M-Mom?" She squeaks quietly. Lying on the bed is a blonde hedgehog all around her are several bottles of pills._

_Caroline rushes over to her mothers side, and feels for a pulse. No such luck. Caroline grabs the phone and dials 911. "Hello? What's your emergency?" Comes the monotone voice._

_Caroline barely manages to croak out. "My m-moms d-dead."_

_"Okay dear, help is on the way. Try to stay calm."_

_Caroline's eyes flash with anger. "Stay calm? MY MOTHERS DEAD! HOW THE HELL DO YOU EXCPECT ME TO STAY CALM?" Caroline throws the phone to the throw and grabs her mothers hand. "We're gonna be okay mom, y-you're gonna be okay, alright?" The only answer she receives is cold silence, and the only sound you can hear is her ragged breathing._

BACK TO THE PRESENT

I cringe and try to get my mind off... Such thoughts, I grab my bags and walk out my door, I sigh sadly as I see the for sale sign sticking out of the ground.

I take a peak at my watch;10: 12, 3 minutes til father dearest comes to pick me up. Just great.

I click my tongue, and wonder what I can do for the next three minutes. I pull out my mp3 from my pocket. It was nothing fancy, just a cheap mp3 that I bought for 10 bucks, the paint was chipping on it so it was red/silver.

I put in my ear phones and start blasting my music, I listen intently to my favorite lyrics.

_I seen the sun comin' up at the funeral at dawn_

_The long broken arm of human law_

_Now it always seemed such a waste_

_She always had a pretty face_

_So I wondered how she hung around this place._

I prepare myself to belt out the chorus, but am interrupted by the honking of a horn.

I lift up an eyeball and then another, they both widen immensely. "OH SHI-!" I

The green convertible speeds toward me, obviously going over the legal speed limit, the driver looks calm, I hardly got a good look at them, but from what I saw, they looked pretty damn mellow.

My thoughts were interrupted by my body loudly crunching against the ground. "Owww.." I groan. I look up and see a green hand near my face. I crane my neck do I can see who the "Driver" was. It's a pale green hedgehog, with dark brown eyes, clad in biker type clothing. I notice him chuckling.

I angrily grab his hand and stand up, "I'm going to the car." I mutter angrily. I dust myself off and stomp off to the car, leaving Mr Biker Dude behind, apparently my father thought it would be funny to send a freak show to pick me up. I can still hear his laughter, what a jerk.

A few moments later, greenie hops into the drivers seat. "Haha, sorry kid, that was just too good!" My left eye twitches slightly, I bite my lip to stop myself from screaming and raging.

Fuck that, I'll rage all I want.

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!-"

Ahem let's pause for a second. Now before you think I'm crazy, I just wanna say that I get mad very easily, now let's continue.

"Blade The Hedgehog." He replies while focusing on the road.

"Parents names?" I ask in a low growl.

"Why do you-?"

"ANSWER THE QUESTION!"

"Fiona and Scourge. You'll meet them eventually."

"Age?"

"18," He rolls his eyes. "How old are you?"

"Just turned 17 a few months ago." I say, thinking of my next question. "Employed or unemployed?"

"Future king."

"Oh... Wait, what?" I ask while giving Blade a strange look.

He chuckles. "My dads the king, all will be explained in time, Cassandra"

"My names Caroline."

"I said that."

"Sure you did."

"This is going to be a long drive."

**ANNNNDD, I'll end it there, the rest of the characters come in a bit, also, I need a beta reader!**

**Review!**


	2. Chapter 2

(NOTE: sorry if the description o the castle isn't extremely accurate.)

_ I've always HATED driving, but never as much as I've hated it right now. Blades blasting some outrageously loud rock n roll music, and he's not paying attention to me! I'm just gonna be flat out honest, I love and crave attention. I was a bit spoiled by my family, not so much my mother as my grandparents, but spoiled is spoiled._

Blades looking straight ahead, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel to the bass. My eye slightly twitches. I can feel myself gradually getting more and more angry. I slam down on the volume button, stopping the God-awful music. Blade sharply turns his head, and dips down his sunglasses.

"I was listening to that." He mutters angrily.

I roll my eyes and ignore him. "How far away are we?"

He narrows his eyes at me. "10 minutes, can you wait that long, O Great One?"

"No, I dont think I can." I sigh dramatically. I put the back of my hand to my fore head and sigh again.

Blade chuckles and keeps on driving. He continuously glances down every couple of seconds at the volume button. He looks up at me with big puppy dog eyes. "Pwease?"

I groan. "Fine, but turn it down a bit please."

He smiles happily. "Sure thing." He looks over at the time. "Five more minutes."

"Yay." I cheer with fake enthusiasm.

Blade clocks his tongue. "He's not that bad y'know."

I look at him strangely. He lightly chuckles. "Your dad, Finitevus, I mean, he's a pretty cool dude. A bit odd, but cool."

I put my head in my hands and groan. Of course, I get stuck with the "odd" dad. Well Blade also said he was pretty cool. So I guess that's good.

"Hey Karissa-"

"Caroline."

"Whatever, we're here." Says Blade while getting out of the car. I throw open my door and get out. "Holy castle!" I yell.

My eyes are wide as saucers. Standing right in front of me, is a huge castle! It's made of stones, each Colour ranging from bright green to dark blue. Blade looks at me funnyinside starts to walk inside. "Hey! Wait up!" I call while chasing after said hedgehog.

I enter the castle along with Blade. "So that's what you meant by future king." I say while glancing around. Blade nods his head.

"So if you're FUTURE king, that must mean that someone's king right-" I was cut off by a deep voice. "Looky who it is." I look up and see a bright green hedgehog, his eyes are sapphire blue, and he's wearing a black leather jacket, much like Blades. Blade grins happily. "Hey pops!" He says while giving the green hedgehog a big hug.

After a few seconds Blade pulls back. "This is my dad, Scourge. Present king."

I nod my head as I slowly comprehend what's going on.

Scourge walks up to me and stares at me closely. "This must be the Docs kid. Whats your name?"

"Caroline."

"I'll go get the Doc, Blade, show Caroline to her room, will ya?" Chuckles Scourge while walking down the hall.

I turn to Blade. "See how he can remember my name? Now let's go find my room."

"Okay, just hold on a sec', I gotta make a call." He says while pulling a cell phone out of his pocket. He puts the phone to his ear.

"Hey man,-" Blade rolls his eyes. "Yeah yeah yeah, I'll be there, I'll just be bringing..." He looks over to me. "A guest." I narrow my eyes. "Yeah man, I'll bring the stuff. Later man." He hangs up and puts his phone back into his pocket. "Now let's go find your room." He says while grabbing my hand and dragging me down the hall.

In a few moments we arrive near the end of the hall. "I'm across the hall, and near the beginning of the hallway is Miles." He explains while opening the door to my room.

My room is white, with green furniture, it's normal sized and has a book shelf. Nice, I like it. I leap onto my bed, it creaks a bit as my body makes contact. "So where are we going tonight?" I ask while sitting up.

Blade sits down next to me. "Well, since I have to play babysitter- no offense. You and I are going clubbing, and then, to the races."

"The races?" I ask while tilting my head to the side. I didn't like the sound of this.

"A bunch of guys get together at the track and race. There's plenty of drinks, and fun. So we'll have a great time." Assures Blade.

"Okay, whatever." I say. "When do I get to meet my dad? I say with a slight whine edging up on my voice.

"In due time my pet. He's probably doing an experiment right now." Chuckles Blade while patting my head.

I puff out my cheeks like a chipmunk, a habit I've developed. I do it when I'm bored. Blade stares at me. "What the Hell are you doing?"

I flatten my cheeks and angrily blush. "Nothing, now where's the bathroom? I gotta take a wiz."

"It's right in there." He says pointing out the door and into the hallway. "It's next to my room, you can go. And bring all your umm... Toiletries with you as well."

"Sure thing." I say while grabbing a big box labeled "Bathroom Supplies".

I walk into the bathroom. I close and lock the door before setting down my box and scrunching my nose. The bathroom was a mess.

Razors were everywhere, the sink was dirty, it smelt like Axe, empty cologne bottles filled up the trash cans. And that's not the worst, the room smells like over riped fruit! Disgusting.

After a few minutes I have put all my stuff in the empty cabinet, which I'm assuming is mine.

I then take a look at the toilet, it's surprisingly clean. It smells like dog shit, but, still, it's nice. I sit down and proceed to use the bathroom. Outside the door I can hear loud stomping.

"YOU! What have you done with my daughter?" Yells an unfamiliar voice.

I now hear Blades voice. "Calm down Doc, she's in the bathroom."

The other voice, whom I'm assuming is my father, sighs. "Very well."

Well that's just great, my dads the type to say "very well".

I hurry up. In a few moments I flush the toilet, I hurriedly wash my hands. And open the door, standing there is a snow white echidna, with good eyes. He's wearing a lab coat and has several bandages on his feet. So this is my father.

I have imagined this moment for my whole life, me, finally showing my dad up. I steady myself. And open my mouth. "D-Dad?" My voice cracks.

So not exactly the big speech I practiced and rehearsed. I was expecting more of an "UMPH" but, the real thing is different than practicing, so I forgive myself, this time.

"Caroline?" He asks with his eyes narrowed. He's looking down at me as of now, he's probably a good foot taller than me. I slowly nod my head. I stare at him, and he does the same except vice versa. He stands up tall. "I'm very sorry about your mother, I give you my sincerest apologies."

I am unable to speak, so I just nod my head.

"Now did Blade show you to your room?"

Another nod.

"Very good." He takes a peek at his watch. "It's around time for dinner" He looks over at Blade. "Caroline and I wish to dine alone."

Blade puts his hands in the air. "Okay okay."

Finitevus chuckles. "Now let us be off. The dining room is on the fifth floor."

He and I start walking, and at the end of the hallway, opposite from Miles room, is an elevator.

The elevator ride was only, 30 seconds give or take, and when we got out, the dining room was only I couple steps away. I had never felt so awkward.

He pulls out a chair for me, and then walked to the one across from mine.

He clears his throat. "If you weren't aware, this is a castle-" a durr "And the green rat, Scourge, is king."

"So umm... What does that make you?"

"Hmmm... I guess I'm sort of, his partner. I help him with schemes and such." He explains.

I start feeling nervous. "Schemes?"

His eyes widen slightly before he sighs. "All will be explained at a later date. But for now, let's get some food."

I nod my head. Finitevus raises his hand, and a robot looking contraption flys over. He speaks in a monotone voice. "What can I get you Doctor Finitevus?"

"I'm not very hungry, Caroline? What would you like?" He asks.

"Umm... I'll just have some soup... Chicken noodle please." I say while messing around with my hair.

The robot flys away without a sound.

"So Caroline, do you have any questions?"

"What's your real name?"

"Well." He sighs. "My surname is Finitevus, most call me Doc. But my real name is... Not important."

"So are there any people my age around here?" I ask while playing with my fork.

"Hmm... Just Blade. He normally hangs out with his pig friends, so there's normally a few other teenagers running around." He says while drumming his fingers on the table.

"I see," I trail off. "Who's Blades mom?"

He rolls his eyes. "Fiona the Fox, she moved out a while back, after her and Scourge had a big fight, she visits now and them to see Blade."

"It doesn't sound like you particularly like Scourge, Blade or Fiona." I point out.

He glares at the wall. "That's because I don't. And I'd like if you were careful around Blade. He may seem very nice, but I wouldn't trust him. Understood?"

My eye twitches, I don't like being bossed around. This guy has known me for like, an hour! He does NOT get to tell me what to do!

"It's not really your place to tell me-"

I was cut off by that stupid robot! "Dinner is served!" He cheers. He places a bowl of soup in front of me.

I glare at the robot. "Thank you." I say in a sugar sweet tone that actually means "get the hell out".

The robot mutters something before flying off.

"What were you saying?" He asks with an eye brow raised.

Maybe this is some sort of pointless second chance, should I flip at him? Hell, I never pass a chance to cause someone stress.

"I said, it's not really your place to tell me who I may or may not hang around."

"You're right, I apologize." He sad with a smirk on his face.

"That's what I- Wait! What?" I ask in disbelief.

He rolls his eyes. "I've dealt with teenagers before, and I still dont trust Blade."

"But you just said-"

"I know what I just said, and I didn't mean it, I just wanted to show you that you may not out smart me like you could your mother." His eyes soften. "I do not want you doing anything overly stupid with that boy, or any other boy for that matter."

I cross my arms and roll my eyes. "Fine."

He stands up. "Good. I'll be off, and remember what I said. Be careful, and I want you staying around the castle tonight."

I bite my lip. "Yeah, whatever."

He looks at me one more time and walks out.

I let out a big "phew" and relax in my chair. I'm assuming all the grown ups are going out, probably something to do with scheming. That's probably why Blades stuck with me. I'll go ask him.

I look down at my soup. "I wasn't that hungry anyways." I stand up and push in my chair.

I walk over to the elevator and start slamming down on the down button. The doors open after a ding and I step inside. I click the ground floor button.

Some cheesy elevator music plays and I can't help but laugh. I step off of the elevator and jog down the hall to Blades room.

I knock on the door. I can feel the door vibrating, and I can hear loud music. I knock on the door again. "Open up!"

The music stops and Blade opens the door. "What?"

I walk in. "Gee just come on in." Grumbles Blade sarcastically.

I jump onto the bed and Blade jumps onto a swivel chair. "So whaddaya need, I'm kinda busy?"

. "I'm sure you are," I glance at the magazines strewn all over the bed. "I was just wondering where Finitevus and all the other adults are going?"

"Hmm... They're probably going to come up with plans to try defeat Sonic. What they normally do on a Friday night." Says Blade while spinning around on the chair.

"Who's Sonic?"

Blade answers me with an exasperated sigh. "I'll explain later, but for now," He glances down at his watch. "The adults are heading out at six O'clock, and we're heading out at eight o'clock, so be ready by seven."

"Why am I coming with you, anyways?"

"Cause my dad, and your dad, said I had to watch you tonight, and I can't watch you if I'm at a party, and you're here. Now," He stands up and grabs my shoulders. "Get out." He lightly shoves me out the door.

"Well fuck you too."

-/-

I'm gonna end it there :) review'


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